I was on the phone with a friend few mornings back, working out arrangements on how to pass some past exam papers to one of her sons. From our conversation, I learned the older son would be working night shift in one of the local shops in my suburb and I could give the papers to him.
I also know that by the time the son finishes his shift, it would be quite late. In order to get home he could only rely on an off peak bus to the train station to change to a train. So out of curiosity, I asked the mum how the son was going to get home after work.
The answer that I received really broke my heart – my friend said, ‘I don’t know, I don’t care; he will find his way home’.
OK, we all want our kids to be independent; learn to stand on their own two feet. After all, the boy is at university, and he is more than capable to look after himself.
I am totally for encouraging your kids to be independent, and finding their own way in the society; but what I felt really sad about was that my friend did not care. Since the son did not ask, she didn’t worry about it.
I may sound overly protective here; however, I whole heartedly believe that, as a parent, you need to care. Your child may be grown up, but they still need to know that they are still loved and cherished.
It’s good if you can ask about how he is going to get home from work or has he worked out the transportation to and from work. He may not need your help, but knowing that you are concerned about his well being will empower your child to self-love and build his self esteem.
By not caring is indirectly telling your child that his or her needs are not worth your time and attention – and that is very sad.
Deep down I know my friend did not mean what she said, but by voicing and expressing it in such as way is reflecting sadness and frustrations within her. Focus on self-care and you can truly enjoy the beauty of your family and everyone around you. Care for yourself first, then the care and love flows to others – but do not be selfish.
When you care for yourself – you will reflect your inner happiness out to everyone around you.
Remember, self-care is not selfish! and give yourself permission to be happy.
Have a connected day with your family.