“Love is the great miracle cure. Loving ourselves works miracles in our lives” ~ Louise Hay
This statement is so well said and so very true. The best gift you can give to your family is your joy, unconditional love and your happiness. Build a home filled with love, respect, laughter, joy, happiness …
However, at times, even in the most happy families, challenges can still arise.
For example do you remember moments when:
– You felt upset because someone said something and it triggered in you bad reactions?
– You were yelling at your kids for their behaviour?
– You were upset with your spouse for something he or she said?
– You were feeling so alone and unable to trust anyone to share a conversation?
– Blaming other person for your unhappiness or blaming the kids for making you upset?
Do you remember all those unhappy, frustrated, anxious feelings? These scenarios are not uncommon. Even the most loving, conscious parents have the potential to lose it and experience days of meltdown, and they may not even know where those emotions came from.
Let me explain. So let’s recollect your childhood memories. There may be happy memories, or there may be unpleasant or sad memories that you’ve accumulated through your childhood. It does not matter whether through your parents, primary carers, teachers, extended families, community or the media.
You may have been yelled at, smacked, hit, physically punished, humiliated, judged, criticised, showed favoritism or even be emotionally abused by the people that you trusted. So you learned to fear – by not trusting, being self depreciating, feeling unworthy, having low self-esteem, feeling undeserving…
Those were pent up negative thoughts and energies coupled with stress hormones swirling in your tiny body – unless you were taught how to release them out of your system, they would eventually accumulate and be stored in your memories (unconscious mind) and remain dormant, until something or someone triggered similar emotions years later. – Events can trigger and remind you of your long forgotten fear and pain, thus evoking powerful reactions from you, and that’s when you notice yourself yelling at your kids or spanking your kids…
Not many people really understood or were consciously aware why they reacted in this way and what may have been the cause. They believed that it was their habits, or what made them who they were. Or how they perceived things, how they handled things and how they thought…It was who they were and there was nothing much they could do about it.
Well, sorry to disappoint you – Yes you can! You have a choice to change it, all it takes is Awareness!
Everyone grows up with baggage, no one escapes from that. Your subconscious memories were there to keep you safe, protecting you from the hurt or fear from your childhood experiences, so it triggered your defense mechanism to protect you by yelling or hitting back.
If you are constantly triggered and react really badly, or worse, violently, you may or may not be aware that this is about your own issues and not anyone else’s. Well, you see, when someone thinks, says or act negatively towards others, it is actually a reflection of his or her own emotions and thoughts within them, like a recollection of recycled emotions and memories. The actions of others, that are supposedly triggers for those actions, are merely reminding the person of those unresolved, unmet issues that are in their memory cells.
So when your children did or said something, consciously you were aware that they are children, and they have a mind of their own. It is really no big deal what was said or done, and you were consciously aware that your child did not deserved to be yelled at that way, but you “reacted” and yelled at your kids anyway.
You may be confused …where did those emotions come from? Where did those angry words come from?
Did it remind you of the feeling of being “disrespected”? Were you not respected at a child? Not being heard? Were punished for speaking up? Were you compared or ridiculed mercilessly by your society because you were a girl? Your reaction is merely the reflection of your unmet childhood needs – which your believe to be true.
There may be many reasons behind your outbursts and you may have many more unmet childhood needs. However, if you should decide to end the vicious cycle of your unexpected emotional outburst, and protect your child/children from being your emotional dump – the first step is to be aware of your reaction/s.
Be AWARE of:
- What triggers those emotions
- Label those emotions and sit with them
- Take deep breaths – If need to, leave the room and take some fresh air
- When you have an understanding of where it is coming from
- Let it go – remove all the feelings, emotions, attachments and memories
- Forgive the person for inflicting the pain on you (due to his or her ignorance and not being aware at that time)
- Forgive yourself for carrying the wound / pain for so long.
You may be able to off load the emotions yourself. If the wounds and vows are deep and very painful, you may need some help from healers/coaches to guide you.
Believe me, when you start clearing your childhood emotional issues, you will feel much better – lighter, more calm, more conscious of who you actually are. You will be happier.
You really owe it to yourself to be the happiest you can be, and what’s more important, you owe it to your family to be happy and joyful. Because when you are happy, you will spread and share the happiness to your family.
Remember – self love is never selfish!
Have a connected and happy day with your family.